Dating in D.C.

Yesterday I went to the single's ward in Arlington, VA. It was really fun and really nice, especially since I've been going to a family ward. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my ward! There is no other ward in the whole world quite like the Capitol Hill ward in Washington D.C. However, it was nice listening to the talks and lessons because these people are in the same stage of life as me and I can relate so well. (I even went to marriage prep with my friend Jill who is engaged! Ha!) The lesson in Relief Society was about desires and also about being happy with your life now and not being sad all the time because we are not married. (Sounds a lot like President Uchtdorf's talk from the day before!) It was a great reminder. We also talked about things we could do both temporally and spiritually to increase our chances of marriage. (I know right?) Well, I for one I have not seriously dated anyone since my divorce. Or anyone besides my ex-husband for that matter... And I'm thinking... that's gotta change! I definitely needed a lot of time (a few years...) to heal and be ready but now I think I am ready to start dating again. I've already had a few offers since I've been here in D.C. The men here just appreciate what I have to offer more than the men in Utah. Haha! Here are a couple of gems:

Story #1:
I was on a walk with the twins and our lovable black lab Spud. We were walking past a huge black guy and I didn't want to show that I was intimidated or nervous (even though he definitely made me feel that way!) so I looked him in the eyes (first mistake) and smiled (second mistake). It was like 11 in the morning and I was wondering "why isn't he at work? What is he doing walking around here? Doesn't he have somewhere he's supposed to be?" You may ask, "well why were you walking around the middle of the day?" And if you asked that I would say to you because hello! It's my job to take the babies out and about every day on our daily walk!!! Duh. Anyway, back to the story. So I looked at him and smiled trying to be brave and he says (looking at the twins), "Can I have one?" and then without missing a beat..."Can I have you?" Well, how are you supposed to react in that situation? Laugh of course! I didn't know what else to do so I just started laughing and kept walking past him. But apparently it wasn't a rhetorical question and he called out "Well?!" I just kept walking and laughing until we were out of sight. I was very grateful to have Spud with us even if he can be a chicken sometimes.

Story #2:
It was a Friday night. I had no plans. So I decided the only thing for me to do was to go to the mall. Not the national mall... but a regular shopping mall. I suppose it would have been cooler to go walk around the national mall but I chose to check out the Pentagon City mall. It's accessible by metro (you don't even have to go outside of the metro to get inside!) So Friday night. Me by myself at the mall because I'm awesome like that. I went into any and every store that looked interesting because that's the right you have when there's no one else with you to say, "oh I don't like that store, let's go here instead". I wandered into Yankee Candle and proceeded to sniff EVERY SINGLE type of candle. And I was enjoying it too. All of a sudden I heard, "I like your earrings". Now to be fair, they were pretty awesome earrings. My friend Rachel Fisher bought them for me and they are super cute owl dangly earrings. As I turned to see who complimented my dangly owls, I had to look down because it was a kind of short scrawny guy. He walked up to me with no shame and said, "How old are you?" I told him I was 25 (and I was not ashamed!) He informed me he was 23. Looking back on it, I guess he was making sure I was "legal" and not under 18 before he went too far. Actually he sort of just ran everything together, "Hi my name is so and so , I'm 23 years old, can I be your boyfriend?" I had the feeling I wasn't the first girl he said those exact words to that night. At least he's trying unlike some guys I know. Haha! I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I (lied) said that I already had a boyfriend. He was concerned that this boyfriend didn't treat me right and kept saying, "but does he treat you right? I'll treat you right!" all the while touching my arm (awkward!). I assured him that my boyfriend did in fact treat me well and I even went so far as to say, "we're very happy together. It's going really well". Haha! Oh man, what was I supposed to say? "No my fake boyfriend I made up not to hurt your feelings doesn't really treat me well"? He tried to give me his number "just in case" but I turned him down and he left me alone to continue sniffing candles. It was a fun night.

My uncle Jason told me to stop being so picky as far as boys are concerned. But I'm pretty sure those guys need a girl who has a little bit more in common with them. Plus I don't date non-members. Sorry guys! Haha!:) And that's been the extent of my dating life here in D.C. Let's hope me moving to a single's ward will have some better results.

Things I Used to Think Were Normal

My "normal" parents.



Remember how when you were little, everything in your life was just the way it was? You assumed that everyone else was experiencing life just like you were. It wasn't until you got a little older and started going to school and other friend's houses that you realized that your normal was not everyone else's normal. It was pretty mind blowing at the time. :) But even now I keep finding out that things I think are normal and "just the way you do things" are weird to other people. It keeps life interesting though. I'm guessing this is also what happens sometimes when people get married. "What?! You think that's how you're supposed to load the dishwasher?!" Haha! Well, here's a list of some things that I used to not bat an eyelash at: (because you all know I'm all about lists... at least on this blog)

1.) My family... actually I used to think my family was not normal. I thought we had a crazy weird family and everyone else probably had a perfect family. Then I realized everyone has a crazy family. And mine is better/more functional than some.

2.) Southern accents. They weren't accents at the time. My dad still doesn't think he has an accent...

3.) Telling someone "I'm going to get my picture made" or "let's get our picture made with each other". Apparently people say "let's take a picture together. Weird. But hey I like the southern way better. We create and make a picture, not just take it all rude-like. hehe!

4.) My sister Rebecca. She has Down's Syndrome. This was always perfectly normal to me. I knew she was different, but she was just Rebecca to me. It wasn't until kids at school started making fun of her that I realized it was really different. And I recently found out that some people will abort their babies if they find out they have Down's Syndrome, which I think is just awful.

5.) Having stuffed deer heads mounted on the wall. With their hooves (hoofs?) as a coat/hat rack. Completely normal to me. My grandmother's house has a sweet stuffed bull with huge horns! And also coming home to my dad gutting out a deer while it's hanging upside down. (Don't worry it was outside not inside the house!)

6.) Waving at everyone, including people you don't know. No one's a stranger in Tennessee! Southern hospitality is REAL!

7.) The way my ex-husband treated me. (But remember this list is of things that I used to think were normal, not anymore).

8.) Having seven siblings. Then I went to public school and everyone was like, "why are there so many of you?" Then I went to BYU and it was normal again. :)

9.) Going to church for three hours every Sunday. Turns out it seemed like church took forever because it really did!

10.) Actually I used to think everything about being a Mormon was normal, but it's really not. We are a peculiar people and I like it!

So pretty much everything that I used to think was normal has to do with being from the South. But people from the South don't think it's weird. I guess that's what happens when you go to school with a bunch of "yankees". Someday I would like to settle down in the South again and get used to the normal I grew up with. The south is a wonderful place, but apparently we hold on to our traditions very tightly and other people think it's weird. Maybe Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama was right. Maybe "people really do need to get a passport" to come to the South. Haha! Tennessee, sounds good to me!

Okay, this picture isn't from my house... we don't have that many deer hanging on the walls, but I didn't have a picture of our deer and you get the picture.

I hate you, I love you! Oranges?

Girly talk time. If you are a boy, you might not want to read this... Why is it that I ALWAYS forget the effects of PMS? Whenever I spend a week weeping openly at every little thing (okay I cry all the time anyway...so weeping more than usual), crave chocolate something fierce and feel like I will die if I don't get something sweet (well, actually I used to feel like that all the time), and feel so tired that I take two naps a day, I seem to forget WHY! I always just think, that's so weird, why am I feeling this way? Is there something about right before you start your period that makes you forgetful? I always freak out over little things and then as soon as I get my period it all makes sense. But shouldn't I be aware when I start freaking out that I am simply being a girl?

This week when I was watching all of the footage of 9-11 I was sobbing!!! But as my recent post on crying suggests this isn't really unusual. And who didn't cry when watching all of that stuff? And then I kind of freaked out over something that shouldn't have been a big deal. And then the next day I was totally fine. And I ate a ton of left over birthday cake from the twins 1st birthday. And yet, I still couldn't see all the signs. But today I got my period (I hope no guys are still reading this!) And it all made sense. So tell me, do you guys always forget too? Oh being a woman. It's wonderful and sometimes not so wonderful.

Back at the Beginning

So.....basically I'm exactly right were I was around this time last year. I had no idea what I was going to do after I graduated in December. I had a vague idea that I wanted to move to Washington D.C. but I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to do there. I didn't know where I would live if I moved to D.C. I was nervous about the future simply because I had NO IDEA what to do! And that's where I'm at again a year later. Sigh. Now, I don't know what I'm going to do after December. I have a vague idea that I want to move back to Utah but I don't know where I would live or what job I would have. I am nervous about the future!!! But even though I worried and worried and prayed and wondered last year, the Lord provided for me. I realized that I should be a nanny in D.C. And I had the opportunity to be offered a job last October to come and live with the Satterlee's and be their nanny. It worked out so easily and so well. So, does that mean next month I'll figure everything out? Will I be handed my next opportunity on a silver platter? Probably not but I sure hope so. The nice thing is, unlike last year, I am NOT taking classes. I am graduated!!!! Yay!!! I keep feeling like something is going to happen soon. But I don't know what. I keep getting really good feelings that something great is going to happen to me here in D.C. in the next few months. But I don't really want to speculate. (At least not publicly on my blog... hehe). Well, I'll keep you posted when I figure everything out!!! Looks like I'll be going to the temple a lot to try to figure things out. Wish me luck!

It's a Gift, Right?

(Don't worry, this is just a reenactment of my "ugly face cry", I am not going to the bathroom in this pic. Ha!)


They say that the ability to weep is a gift. Who "they" is exactly I'm not sure... One of my religious professors at BYU showed the class a quote once of spiritual gifts that we don't usually talk about. The ability to weep was one of them. After hearing that crying could be considered a spiritual gift I took that idea and held on tight. I decided to let it be my consolation. Because if crying is a spiritual gift, then I must be an angel by now.
It seems like no the matter what the situation is I only have two different reactions: to laugh (which I infinitely prefer!) or to cry.

When my friends threw me a surprise going away party last year... I cried. Big time. Everyone was like "is she for real?" It got real awkward real fast. It wasn't just oh I have tears running down my cheeks. It was sobbing. And then people were like "oh but these are happy tears right?" *awkward silence* No! They were not happy tears!!
When I woke up after having surgery for the first time... I was crying for about an hour! (The second time I had surgery... I was on the opposite end laughing my head off).
When I got engaged... I cried. When I got divorced... I cried (that one's a big duh). And then I cried non-stop for approximately two years.
When I'm really happy... you guessed it! I cry! When I'm sad... I cry. The worst is when you cry when you're angry. (Which obviously I do). It sucks because you're so mad and you don't want to be all vulnerable but you can't stop the tears.
On Tuesday right after the fun earthquake here, I cried. I cry during movies, books, when someone else is crying. That time of the month brings on extra crying. The fact that I'm a girl probably contributes to the amount of crying I do. I also cry with people, I cry because of people. CRY CRY CRYBABY!!!!

Now, if you know me at all, you know that I do actually laugh quite a bit as well. I'm pretty sure that I've laughed so hard before that I started crying. And as the lovely Dolly Parton says, "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion". I agree. The feeling of being really sad and crying and then someone or something making you laugh in spite of your tears is the best feeling ever. It's such a relief. I don't know how to explain it, but if you've ever experienced it you know what I mean.

I may never know why I cry so much. If it's really a gift, then I am so blessed. :) And it's okay. It makes me human. I'm sensitive and compassionate and if you ever want a shoulder to cry on... or better yet someone who will sob with you- then I'm your gal! And you know what I do even better than crying? LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahaha! (Cue wheeze laugh) And throw in a couple of snorts for good measure.

Changing Seasons

I was thinking about change today. No, not the pocket full of coins kind of change. You know, change. The one thing that is constant and that you can depend on.
I was watching a random movie where the woman got married just to get away from her family. The man she married loved her but she didn't love him. Throughout the movie, their relationship changed and she grew to love him deeply. And at the end of the movie... he dies of cholera. I wouldn't recommend watching this movie unless you like sad endings! (I wish I had known someone was going to die at the end because I wouldn't have even watched it!!!) But it made me think about my own marriage. I knew when we were going through such a difficult time that change was possible. I hoped that we could both change and stay together. I knew that we could both change for the better and that our marriage would be made even stronger because of the difficulties we had, if we overcame them.
Unfortunately the thing that did change was that we were no longer married to each other. Obviously now, I think this has been for the best. But I know that if we both tried hard and had real desire to make it work, that the Lord would have helped us.
And now my ex-husband is marrying another girl, woman. And through growth and change, he is hopefully different and they can have a happy and successful marriage.
I have changed more over the past six years than any other time in my life. I sometimes don't even remember who I used to be before I got married. But the interesting thing is that even though I have changed drastically, there is still the core of myself that has remained the same. My spirit has remained the same. I just keep uncovering more of myself and getting to know who I am even better.
But even though I believe my spirit has always been the same, I have still been able to change for the better. I believe I can be better every single day.
And this past year (yes I know it's not over yet... this year so far) has been a year of a lot of changes for the better. I was put in a new situation that caused me to really look honestly at who I was. I've learned so many new things from being here in D.C. I've made many changes that I've been wanting and praying to make for several years.
It didn't happen overnight. But I believe we can all change for the better if we truly desire it and if we are willing to do whatever it takes to make these changes. They can be very painful and seem impossible. But with God's help, we can make them.
I also know that sometimes the most painful changes are things we have to experience in order to achieve the kind of change that is the best for us. To achieve the change of becoming our best selves. We can't see the big and complete picture but God can. I know that He has been leading me down this road of changing to help me find the me that has been inside the whole time.
Another change that I'm so looking forward to is the changing of the seasons. I LOVE FALL!!! Every new change is a fresh start and you can do whatever you want with it. Making new changes every day is a wonderful thing. But the stability of the gospel, family, and loved ones makes all the changes more doable and less scary.
I'm not very eloquent and not the best writer. And I know scores of people have written way more beautifully and truthfully than me about change before. But it was just something I was thinking about today.
Change is scary when you think about the things you love now being taken away or diminished. But there is always the opportunity for change for the better. And that is always worth it.
I'm so excited for the change that is in store for me in the future. It's gonna be totally awesome.

Home is Wherever I'm With You

Sometimes visiting with friends can be really sad. I know that sounds really weird because I've had so much fun in Provo with my besties this week. But at times when we were all laughing and having so much fun I would be sad knowing that it wasn't going to last. Another weird thing is that D.C. has finally started feeling like "home". But this time when I visited Provo for some reason it felt like I was living here again. I keep having to remind myself I have to go to the airport tomorrow and fly back to D.C. Provo is just such a part of me and I know the "Provo Mary" so well. The D.C. Mary is a little more reserved and shy still. I wish I had all the confidence in D.C. that I feel here in Provo. I guess that's why I've been able to grow and learn so much in D.C. because I was out of my comfort zone. Part of me wonders can I ever move back to Provo? Or would that be moving backwards? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out my next move. What comes next after the D.C. chapter in my life? I guess I'll just keep trying to find out. I know the Lord will direct me to where I should go but I have to actually do some work to figure it out. He's not just going to magically tell me what to do. I have to do some digging. Whatever I end up doing and wherever I end up going, I hope I make more marvelous friends along the way.

Here are some pictures of a bonfire I went to the same day that I got my wisdom teeth out... Yeah I'm hard core!
Warning: I'm extra crazy/silly around these particular friends.

Here are a couple of late night mustache videos... Yeah... we're awesome.