Sometimes you've just gotta blog because you've done everything at work for the day and you're more than caught up. And the only thing waiting for you is archiving and it's ALWAYS waiting for you and you're tired of doing it.
So... I'm blogging. And yes I KEEP ON talking about my food issues. Because guess why? That's pretty much all that's going on in my life right now. So, if you don't want to read about it then stop reading.
Today at work the accountants had me do a chocolate run at CVS (yes they're all girls back there in accounting). I had to go through the candy aisle, a very familiar spot for me. But man was it difficult knowing the candy I was choosing and buying was not for me. I couldn't even have one little eensie piece. It's like sending an alcoholic into the liquor store and telling him to buy some really good stuff but then to take it and give it to someone else without drinking any. Sorry I keep complaining, but seriously this is some hard stuff. (And yes I wanted to write hard s*** instead of stuff, that's how hard it is. But then again, that could just be all the swearing I hear every day rubbing off on me).
While babysitting on Monday night (yes random but I refuse to work on Sunday's and they wanted to see The Hunger Games) I had to be really really good. They had a bowl of peanut m&m's sitting out and a lot of delicious chocolate chip cookies. They always tell me to please eat everything I want; they practically shove it in my mouth as they're running out the door. I wanted to eat just one peanut m&m. Just one would be okay, right?! But I knew I couldn't eat just one so I didn't eat any. Yay. (said very sarcastically).
Also...Yesterday I had the strangest thought. Okay so it wasn't strange, but it came out of no where and surprised me. The thought was that I need to repent of what I've done to my body and for intentionally mistreating and abusing it. I knew I wasn't treating my body well and that I wasn't being healthy but I never even considered that I needed to repent because of it. Strange thought out of no where, but it rang true in my heart. So... I guess I'll try to figure out how I should/can repent of what I've been doing to my body.
Okay, this hasn't taken up nearly as much time as I hoped it would.... But I'll be going home soon and over the hump on the way to the weekend!!!
P.S. If these posts are seriously annoying, please comment and let me know. I could just start writing them for myself and not publishing them. I'm not sure if this is overkill or not. But writing about this really helps and it's nice to know that I can look back and read my progress.
Finding beauty in myself and others.
4 comments:
I vote KEEP WRITING! From a therapist's perspective, it is very interesting to read. From a friend's perspective, it is very encouraging to read. Keep up the good work and keep up the posts!
Holy crap Mary!!!!!!!!! You are SO STRONG! I would never be able to be faced with a bowl on m&m's and not eat any. Much less go on a chocolate run =[. You are amazing. And you don't have to keep apologizing. It IS hard. It's an addiction like any other; just because it's not a "hard" substance doesn't make it any less difficult. And I read your blog b/c I want to know what's going on with you. If I thought it was annoying, I'd stop reading. Which I'm not. Because it's not annoying and because I love you and support you fully. Please keep writing, even if you think it's stupid. It helps me, and I'm sure many other people.
Keep writing, Mary! I Love to read about how strong and determined you are. I look up to you for your courage and faith through these super difficult challenges you face. You are amazing, Mary, and don't let ANYONE convince you otherwise. :)
Keep writing! I love reading your posts. I really feel the spirit every time I read your posts. Mary, I think you're half way through the repentance process already. The first step IS to acknowledge, then feel sorrow, forsake, confess... Repentance really means to change and draw closer to the Lord and I can tell from your posts that you're really trying to do that. You are amazing!
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