February 4th 2005-2012

February 4th used to mean nothing at all to me. Then it meant the happiest day of my life. Then it quickly meant a day of sadness, regret, humiliation. It slowly changed to a feeling of a slight pang in my chest, then it changed to "wow, it's that time again, huh?" And then one year it shockingly came and went almost completely without me acknowledged it. And this year I cried. Oh, not that I didn't cry especially hard almost every other year, especially at the beginning. But today I cried for a different reason. Today I cried because when I thought about the fact that I got married seven years ago today, I was so extremely thankful. I was thankful for all that I went through and so unbelievable happy that the atonement was able to take the most painful event of my life and turn it into a normal day. Well, an almost normal day. I will never forget February 4th and it's significance in my life. But now instead of it being a painful memory, it will be a grateful memory. And happiness to feel that 100 percent of forgiveness that I tried for, for so long. It was on this day of this year, that February 4th came and went and I had for the first time truly completely forgiven my ex-husband. 7 years ago feels like a lifetime ago. I was a different person then. And the pain of the refiner's fire really did make me a new person. A better person. I am so grateful for this day and for the atonement and for a Heavenly Father who loves me. And I really am just a crier! :)