My Quest for Beauty

Welp... I don't know if any of you have noticed lately but I have been posting numerous pictures of myself up close and personal on facebook. It's all part of my QUEST FOR BEAUTY beauty beauty beauty.... (that was said loudly and then the subsequent echo...)Anyway! It's my current project. I don't know if any of you guys have ever had a problem with the way you look? What am I kidding, in today's world I'm sure everyone has had that problem. My problem went much deeper than I initially thought. Actually it took me a while to even acknowledge there was a problem. Basically I haven't thought that I was pretty since my wedding day. The pictures of me at my wedding are beautiful. I don't have any of them anymore... actually there's one of my mom and me at my house in TN. But the problem is that was six years ago.... So I have not felt that I was really beautiful since then. Until now. There was a period of time for a while that I would not look in the mirror. And when I had to look (you know to make sure my hair wasn't too crazy and nothing was stuck in my teeth) I didn't really allow myself to look for long. I would avoid looking at my reflection in doors, in spoons, in water, anywhere. I still have some trouble with it but it's getting better. I would not look at pictures of myself or really want to get my picture taken...(see list of goals). I wouldn't wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes. And I admit I still don't really do those things but I'm getting better. The good thing about me and makeup is I don't need much. I'm not really good at doing my hair but I'm trying to make an effort more and more. The clothes thing... well, I need to go shopping. But the coolest thing is that I've been praying and fasting to love myself more and to go on a quest for finding my own beauty. I've been giving myself assignments. Here are a few of them...
1.)Get some new makeup and wear it... check!
2.)Get a hair cut... gotta make an appt.
3.)Get a new outfit or two... this may take a while...
4.)Take pictures of yourself and post them to facebook! (check)
5.)Tell yourself you're beautiful and believe it... works sometimes.
6.)Allow the Lord to heal me from any self hatred and doubt about my own beauty...working on it!!!

The interesting thing about my quest for beauty is that I haven't been honest with myself about how I felt about myself for a while because it was easier to ignore it. But now that I've healed a lot of other things in myself and grown and gotten better in other areas it was just time to open up and admit my problems and the best way to solve them. I'm ready!!! I'm working on loving myself because nothing is more beautiful than confidence. I'm also trying to be a better person and become closer to the Lord (the light of Christ is beautiful too!) And I feel like this is the last big step for me to be happy enough with myself to be ready to date again. Which leads to getting married again. But that is another story in and of itself. I'm looking forward to it! I'm happy that I'm progressing enough to get to that point in my life again someday.