Ask Away!

So........I know this probably won't work....BUT! I was thinking it would be cool if you guys asked me questions and then I could write a blog post answering all of the questions. Yeah, no one will probably ask...but just think about it. You can ask me anything! And I will answer you! Even really good juicy stuff! Like you can even ask me about my divorce! (gasp!) But really aren't you just dying to know? You can ask me who I'm in love with. You can ask me who my favorite sibling is. You can ask me who I hate. You can ask me my deepest darkest secret...maybe. You could just ask me a question about yourself like what my first impression of you was. And the cool thing is that I will be honest! It can be like truth or dare where if you pick truth you HAVE TO tell the truth. Okay just do it! (Even if we never really talk/talked so what I won't think it's weird and I'll still answer you). I just think this will be fun.
Love, Mary Cherry

Traveling with Twins

Me and Jackson the chubster.


Last week I was in Provo for graduation and to visit some awesome friends! But to get there I flew with my boss and my two charges Addison and Jackson. My boss Stacey and I each had one twin on our lap for the flight. This is not the first time I've flown with Addison and Jackson but the older they get, the more they want to wiggle around. Anyway, needless to say it is crazy flying with two babies. I thought it would be fun to post pros and cons to traveling with twins. (Yes, there are pros!)

Pros
1.) You get to jump ahead in lines (sometimes) and you usually get to board the plane when first class people do.
2.) If people can pick their seats and there are no assigned seats, people will choose NOT to sit next to you.
3.) People cut you some slack. Well, some people (I'll tell you about the ones who don't in the con list). For example, we were going through security and I forgot to separate my laptop and my backpack. So the security guy was mad at me and was basically asking me if I was an idiot who had never flown before. The guy next to him was like, "Dude! Ease up! Can't you see she has her arms full?" I did indeed have my arms full of a chubby cute baby.
4.) People are really nice to you and tell you stories about all the twins they know. They smile at you and the babies. (This could also be a con.... some people won't shut up!... just sayin').
5.) It's an icebreaker! If you're sitting next to a cute guy on the plane... he may or may not start asking you questions about the baby and then you can assure him you're only the nanny and you're single.... Just kidding! But really...he was cute.
6.) People congratulate you on your achievements. While we were waiting at our gate for the plane, a guy came up to me and said, "I was behind you guys in security and I just have to give you mad props for making it look effortless!" Now, that just makes you feel good and basically feel like a rockstar and that you are very talented.
7.) People give you money! I'm dead serious! We tipped the skycap guy and he had twins and loved our twins. So he gave them each a dollar back! And we were like um please don't hand the babies money because they will put it in their mouths and money is dirty! But thanks!

Cons
1.) People are ruder than normal. Some people anyway. Not everyone as you can tell by my pros list. But seriously, me and Stacey had to deal with super rude people complaining about us, the twins, their lives, everything. One lady tried to cut us in line and gave us the stink eye when the guy helped us first because we had our hands full. Some other ladies were complaining that we were in the way...dumb. And people sitting next to you get mad and annoyed...
2.) So much stuff!!!! Traveling with one baby means bringing a lot of extra stuff. But multiply it by two and you just have a bunch of crap you have to carry with you. Including milk which just might leak all over your stuff.
3.) Explosions! You could get pooped on and have to walk/sit around with poop on your leg. Okay, okay so this didn't happen to us this time but it almost happened to Stacey but luckily it was before she left for the airport so she could change.
4.) They won't sit still! It's hard to keep a 20 pound baby on your lap for five hours and expect them to just sit there all entertained. They throw toys around and sometimes people will pick them up for you and sometimes they won't.
5.) It's hard doing things with one hand. Going through security and putting your bags on the plane and getting situated while holding a baby is hard. You can't argue with me on this. It's hard. (But apparently me and Stacey make it look effortless!) Also you can't just read or eat or drink or use your tray because the babies will grab everything.

Well, as you can see there are more pros than cons. Which might just mean I like to have a positive attitude. Either way, I now have a greater respect for all of those who travel with kids, especially twins! When I fly by myself again, I will no longer be impatient or bored. I will be living it up! (But those babies are so dang cute!)

Why Graduation is Such a Big Deal to Me

So I'm walking for graduation today. It doesn't seem real. I actually graduated in December and that didn't seem very real either. So why is graduation from BYU such a big deal for me? Well, besides the fact that it is a huge accomplishment for anyone to graduate from college, especially BYU, I've had a few other issues that slowed me down a bit.
Yeah yeah, I promise I'm not going to complain. But here's the journey I went through in very little detail:
Fall 2004: Yes THAT long ago... I started BYU as a young freshman in love.
Winter 2005: I decided not to go to school this semester and instead went back to Tennessee and got married.
Fall 2005: Came back to BYU married. Started classes. Abuse from husband caused severe depression. Withdrew from all my classes so we could move back to TN to be closer to family.
Feb 2006: My husband left me. I won't go into too many details because I've pretty much healed from this experience and I don't feel like going into all the awfulness of it. I moved back home.
Fall 2006: Back at school. Had an okay semester (amazingly).
Winter 2007: This is when it all caught up with me. This is when my depression was at its worst. Considered suicide. Got a stern talking to from my roommate. Had wonderful roommates who helped me and went to counseling.
Fall 2007: Moved to Monticello. I have learned and changed so much while living at Monticello. I met so many amazing people who all in their own way, just by being themselves, slowly helped me heal a little at a time.
Fall 2010: I GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!! Even though Stats and Sewing were super hard!!!!!!!!!!
PRESENT DAY: Here I am back at Monticello visiting because I'm walking in graduation today. The journey was long and hard. (I know I left out a lot of details but trust me it was freaking HARD!) I'm not sure if I'll even really use my degree. But the point is I have one. It was hard. And I had a lot of obstacles in my way. I could have given up. But I persevered and I did it! Yay!
P.S. The only way I made it through was with the help of the Lord and through the people he sent to help me.

How Depression and Anxiety Changed My Life For the Better

I realized that it is a miracle that I am depression free in my life now. I still have anxiety every once in a while but it's not as debilitating as it used to be. Some people may be wondering, "what's the difference between depression and anxiety?" (or you may not care at all.... but beware it could happen to you one day!)

Depression- Depression is by far the worst. It is the kind of soul sucking black hole hellish situation that makes people kill themselves. I'm not being sarcastic. When it gets bad enough you really do want to die. I actually considered it once...But I don't want to go into that story. Depression is a feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that also makes you feel like your soul is really really heavy. There is a stage in depression where you decide you'd rather be numb than feel all the hurt and despair you're feeling. So sometimes you become a zombie. You don't care about how other people feel, you don't care about yourself, you don't care about anything. You can not feel hope or joy when you are depressed. You can not feel the Spirit.

Anxiety- This is the one that makes it hard to breathe. It also makes you want to stay in your room or bed all day because you're too afraid to face the outside world. Anxiety is being afraid of things that haven't even happened yet. But you're so afraid of what will happen, you don't do anything but lay there and worry and cry. This makes it very difficult to go to work or class or to keep the plans you had to hang out with friends.

Now, you may ask, "Mary? Are you okay? Why are you talking about this on your blog? Are you depressed again?" The answer to that is no. But it's good for me to reflect on the fact that I did go through this extremely hard disease of the brain for about 5 years. There was one year in particular when it was the worst. I'm sorry for my roommates at that time and all the people I've affected since by being a downer and an annoyance. But I also wanted to let people know who may go through severe depression and/or anxiety that you can get through it. I'm so happy that I was able to get through it even though it took a few years. I'm a better person because of it. So here are the ways it changed my life:
1.) I enjoy happiness and relish laughter even more now and I'm so much more grateful for being happy.
2.) I can recognize when others are sad or depressed and I can help them.
3.) I can say that I've experienced a true miracle by being healed of depression and I have learned more about the atonement.
4.) I have more love and compassion and empathy with others who are suffering, no matter what the cause of their suffering is.
5.) I know that people with depression aren't faking it and can't just will themselves to be happy. And I learned that (the right)therapists really do help.
6.) I have a lot more faith and hope and charity than I would have if I didn't experience this trial.
7.) I appreciate and love living a day to day ordinary life because it feels so much better when you are not depressed.
8.) I know how much the Lord loves me.
9.) I feel that the Lord entrusts special people with depression. I know that sounds weird and I don't know why. It's just an inkling I've had and a feeling I've had. There is a reason for it besides just suffering.
10.) I LOVE LAUGHING and being goofy and watching silly movies and I don't care if other people think it's weird because it just feels SO GOOD to be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also want to say I know there are no guarantees that I won't face severe depression in my life again. But for now, I'm doing really well and I hope it stays that way. And I know that because I went through this very very hard trial, I can face any future hardships I may have with faith and courage because I know the Lord helped me through this one.

Adventures on the Metro

Oh boy! The metro the metro... Well, the metro is a crazy place. Definitely not as crazy as the subway in New York, not as crowded as the one in London (I'm guessing?) But the metro here in D.C. is still CRAZY!!! Sometimes amusing, sometimes worrisome, sometimes a little scary, but always crazy! I've been waiting for a while to write a post about the metro because I wanted to get some more good stories. And I think last night gave me all the material I needed. (More about that in a minute). So without further ado here are some fun things that happened while I was riding the metro:
1.) Getting stuck in the door- The metro door (or so I'm told) used to open up again if you happened to be in the doorway while it was closing. I guess people started taking advantage of that too much and delaying trains because now the door does not open up anymore. I've seen a few people get stuck and it always makes me concerned and yet amused. One man with very very long dreds got three of his dreds stuck in the door of the train. He gently tugged on them to see if they would come loose but because dreds are kinda fragile (I think?) he had to wait until the next stop to free them. All the while standing there looking sheepish and embarrased.
I've seen people get their backpacks stuck, one guy had his foot stuck. Another man was so determined to get on the train he pried the doors open (or at least tried). The train driver guy yelled at him over the intercom. The man just told him to "shut up" and he got on anyway.
2.) Close calls aka professional metro riders- Some people have been taking the metro for years and feel comfortable enough to judge whether or not they can make it onto the train or not. They slip in turning sideways as the doors close. They run onto the train at the very last possible second and they don't get caught or stuck. I think these people are highly skilled but I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I will risk getting stuck in the doors.
3.) Getting separated- Sometimes there is a big group of people, especially now that tourist season is starting up. And sometimes someone gets left behind. It's sad! You look out the window and see their stricken face as the train zooms off (okay sometimes it's kinda funny but not if it happens to you!) The craziest/scariest separation story I didn't actually see but I heard about it from my boss. A mom was getting on the metro with her baby in a stroller... the stroller got on but the mom didn't.... But luckily the people who saw it took the baby out and waited at the next station for the mom. But still!!! If you have a baby, you should not try to be one of the "professional metro riders".
4.)Trouble on the metro- Sometimes people get in fights on the metro. Kinda scary. You can look them up on youtube... Also sometimes girls like to gang up on you (and by you I mean me) and call you all kinds of names but you just pretend not to hear them and hope they don't follow you off the train. Yes, this happened to me... Stupid mean girls...
5.)And last but not least THE CRAZY PEOPLE ON THE METRO- There are crazies who take this lovely public transit system. They talk to you, sit next to you, ask you for money, tell you their life story, or shout gibberish. The key is pretending that they are not there. Now, I've seen this happen to plenty of other people on the metro but never me until now... Last night as I was in a practially empty metro station waiting of the train. I sat down on a bench since it was going to be a 15 min wait because it was late at night. I was sitting on the very end of the bench so if someone else wanted to sit down we wouldn't have to sit right next to each other because hello, that's awkward. Anyway, I was sitting at the edge of the bench and this asian man was standing next to it. I was listening to my ipod and the next thing I know the man sits down on the one inch of bench that I'm not sitting on. So basically he sits right on me! I look at him and take out my earbud and I'm like "oh sorry, I'll scoot over". He seems appeased by this. I notice the lovely smell of alcohol all over him. So I scooted over and he starts scooting closer every time! And then he starts talking to me in some asian language (korean??) but even I can tell he's probably slurring whatever he's saying even though I don't speak the language. So I pull out my phone and text several people about what's happening. And I keep ignoring him which is really hard for me because I hate being rude to people. But I've learned when you live in a big city, sometimes you just have to be rude. He keeps talking to me and gesturing to the tracks and all around. I keep ignoring him. My friend Heather calls, concerned for my safety and he gets up and walks away. Well, he didnt' exactly walk away. He stumbled away in a zig-zaggy fashion. I feel concerned that he may fall onto the tracks. After assuring Heather that I am indeed fine, a woman sits down next to me, gives me a huge goofy grin and says hi. Which is kinda weird because people around here don't chat with you, especially not waiting for a train. Then I smell the alcohol on her and understand her cause for extra friendliness. Then my train pulls up and I go home. CRAZY PEOPLE!!! I love riding the metro. The end.

Freckles were the Tipping Point (A poem inspired by my quest for beauty)

Freckles were the Tipping Point
a poem by Mary Cherry

What started out as a light dusting across the nose, became a liberal smattering.
Some light, some dark, one kissing the top of my lip.
A few splotchy, some miniscule pinpricks.
During the summer they become bold and fearless, blazing brighter than the sun that gave them birth.
Winter makes them cold and shy, they prefer to hide out for a while.
Some say they are angel kisses. I say, they were the tipping point.
The tipping point that turned me from just me to beautiful.

(It's spring right now but come June those little suckers will be dark and out in full force. They'll invite their cousins and distant relatives to visit and I'll have angel kisses galore!!!)

My Quest for Beauty

Welp... I don't know if any of you have noticed lately but I have been posting numerous pictures of myself up close and personal on facebook. It's all part of my QUEST FOR BEAUTY beauty beauty beauty.... (that was said loudly and then the subsequent echo...)Anyway! It's my current project. I don't know if any of you guys have ever had a problem with the way you look? What am I kidding, in today's world I'm sure everyone has had that problem. My problem went much deeper than I initially thought. Actually it took me a while to even acknowledge there was a problem. Basically I haven't thought that I was pretty since my wedding day. The pictures of me at my wedding are beautiful. I don't have any of them anymore... actually there's one of my mom and me at my house in TN. But the problem is that was six years ago.... So I have not felt that I was really beautiful since then. Until now. There was a period of time for a while that I would not look in the mirror. And when I had to look (you know to make sure my hair wasn't too crazy and nothing was stuck in my teeth) I didn't really allow myself to look for long. I would avoid looking at my reflection in doors, in spoons, in water, anywhere. I still have some trouble with it but it's getting better. I would not look at pictures of myself or really want to get my picture taken...(see list of goals). I wouldn't wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes. And I admit I still don't really do those things but I'm getting better. The good thing about me and makeup is I don't need much. I'm not really good at doing my hair but I'm trying to make an effort more and more. The clothes thing... well, I need to go shopping. But the coolest thing is that I've been praying and fasting to love myself more and to go on a quest for finding my own beauty. I've been giving myself assignments. Here are a few of them...
1.)Get some new makeup and wear it... check!
2.)Get a hair cut... gotta make an appt.
3.)Get a new outfit or two... this may take a while...
4.)Take pictures of yourself and post them to facebook! (check)
5.)Tell yourself you're beautiful and believe it... works sometimes.
6.)Allow the Lord to heal me from any self hatred and doubt about my own beauty...working on it!!!

The interesting thing about my quest for beauty is that I haven't been honest with myself about how I felt about myself for a while because it was easier to ignore it. But now that I've healed a lot of other things in myself and grown and gotten better in other areas it was just time to open up and admit my problems and the best way to solve them. I'm ready!!! I'm working on loving myself because nothing is more beautiful than confidence. I'm also trying to be a better person and become closer to the Lord (the light of Christ is beautiful too!) And I feel like this is the last big step for me to be happy enough with myself to be ready to date again. Which leads to getting married again. But that is another story in and of itself. I'm looking forward to it! I'm happy that I'm progressing enough to get to that point in my life again someday.