How Depression and Anxiety Changed My Life For the Better

I realized that it is a miracle that I am depression free in my life now. I still have anxiety every once in a while but it's not as debilitating as it used to be. Some people may be wondering, "what's the difference between depression and anxiety?" (or you may not care at all.... but beware it could happen to you one day!)

Depression- Depression is by far the worst. It is the kind of soul sucking black hole hellish situation that makes people kill themselves. I'm not being sarcastic. When it gets bad enough you really do want to die. I actually considered it once...But I don't want to go into that story. Depression is a feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that also makes you feel like your soul is really really heavy. There is a stage in depression where you decide you'd rather be numb than feel all the hurt and despair you're feeling. So sometimes you become a zombie. You don't care about how other people feel, you don't care about yourself, you don't care about anything. You can not feel hope or joy when you are depressed. You can not feel the Spirit.

Anxiety- This is the one that makes it hard to breathe. It also makes you want to stay in your room or bed all day because you're too afraid to face the outside world. Anxiety is being afraid of things that haven't even happened yet. But you're so afraid of what will happen, you don't do anything but lay there and worry and cry. This makes it very difficult to go to work or class or to keep the plans you had to hang out with friends.

Now, you may ask, "Mary? Are you okay? Why are you talking about this on your blog? Are you depressed again?" The answer to that is no. But it's good for me to reflect on the fact that I did go through this extremely hard disease of the brain for about 5 years. There was one year in particular when it was the worst. I'm sorry for my roommates at that time and all the people I've affected since by being a downer and an annoyance. But I also wanted to let people know who may go through severe depression and/or anxiety that you can get through it. I'm so happy that I was able to get through it even though it took a few years. I'm a better person because of it. So here are the ways it changed my life:
1.) I enjoy happiness and relish laughter even more now and I'm so much more grateful for being happy.
2.) I can recognize when others are sad or depressed and I can help them.
3.) I can say that I've experienced a true miracle by being healed of depression and I have learned more about the atonement.
4.) I have more love and compassion and empathy with others who are suffering, no matter what the cause of their suffering is.
5.) I know that people with depression aren't faking it and can't just will themselves to be happy. And I learned that (the right)therapists really do help.
6.) I have a lot more faith and hope and charity than I would have if I didn't experience this trial.
7.) I appreciate and love living a day to day ordinary life because it feels so much better when you are not depressed.
8.) I know how much the Lord loves me.
9.) I feel that the Lord entrusts special people with depression. I know that sounds weird and I don't know why. It's just an inkling I've had and a feeling I've had. There is a reason for it besides just suffering.
10.) I LOVE LAUGHING and being goofy and watching silly movies and I don't care if other people think it's weird because it just feels SO GOOD to be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also want to say I know there are no guarantees that I won't face severe depression in my life again. But for now, I'm doing really well and I hope it stays that way. And I know that because I went through this very very hard trial, I can face any future hardships I may have with faith and courage because I know the Lord helped me through this one.