Patience in changing

I'm always trying to work on myself and be better. Which can be a really good thing, depending on the motive. But sometimes for me, I think it's a bad thing because I am motivated by the fact that I think I am a bad person. And other times, I think it's because part of me remembers who I was before I came here. And there's an inkling of what I can become, and I want to reach that potential. Whatever my motivation may be, I am constantly trying and trying and planning and trying to do things to be better.

 I have been successful over the years in improving myself but I still have a lot that I want to change. There is something in particular that I'm trying to work on right now (letting go of lots of anger that is holding me back) but I get frustrated because I don't know what steps I need to take. I often feel lost in my plans to change because I don't know what path to take. Where's the list that says "okay, now do this and then this and then this and you will be changed"?

For the past couple of years I've been learning that answer for my desire to change comes through the Atonement. But it's still a learning process. I'm still learning how to actually apply the atonement in my life.
I think Satan tries to make me believe there is some magical process that I have to go through and if I don't know "the way" or exact steps I can't make the change. But that's not true. The only thing I need is a desire to change and to have trust in the Lord that He can help me make that change. Sometimes the answer is so simple we overlook it and keep searching.

Another problem I've been having lately is that I'm afraid that I'm turning into a really mean person. But again, the answer is very simple. I will try and have charity towards others. Not just when I feel like it; all the time. Even when I'm PMSing. I just have to make the decision and trust that the Lord can give me the strength if I really have the desire and if I really try. It's doing to small things every day that will help me to make those desired changes in my life. And those simple things will help me to make it back to Heavenly Father.

The following quotes are from Henry B. Eyring's latest talk from General Conference entitled "Mountains to Climb". Re-reading this talk for the third time this morning helped me to realize all the things I just wrote about in this post. And it's a small and simple thing to do, (reading and re-reading talks) but so far today, it's made all the difference.

"It is never too late to strengthen the foundation of faith. There is always time. With faith in the Savior, you can repent and plead for forgiveness. There is someone you can forgive. There is someone you can thank. There is someone you can serve and lift. You can do it wherever you are and however alone and deserted you may feel.


I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.

There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there."