Redefining the Quest

This year and this blog has been about my quest for beauty. When I first started my quest for beauty, I made a few goals. All of them except for one were goals for outward beauty. Which is what I really needed to work on. But what I didn't realize (on some level I guess I realized this)... but maybe didn't admit was that I should have focused on the inner beauty a little more. Because if you feel good about yourself, the way you present yourself will reflect that. But I also think you can start by dressing and looking better, that helps you feel a little better about yourself too. The point of me saying this is that I finally realized just how much work I needed to do to change my attitude about myself.

I was talking with a friend and she was asking me questions about how I felt about myself and the way I looked. I answered truthfully and she told me that my perception of myself was not correct and that I was worth more. I wanted to believe her, but couldn't. That's when I thought, what if she is right? And deep down I knew she was. But it wasn't that simple. I knew how I should feel about myself but I just couldn't believe it. After that night when I realized just how much I didn't like myself and just how much I didn't trust myself, I knew I needed to change. But as I thought more about actually changing my self-perception, it seemed impossible! How can I just change the way I think about myself? I know what I should think, but that's not how I really feel!

I prayed and fasted about it. It's not going to happen overnight. But you know what? I already have changed how I'm thinking about myself. And I'm starting to change little things. For example, when I have doubts about myself, I decide to trust the good feelings that I have about myself instead of listening to the doubts. Also, if I hear someone talking about me and saying bad things or complaining about me- I decide to not dwell on it and just continue trying to better myself. I don't let what others think I should change affect what I'm doing. I'll never be good enough for everyone. But as I work on things that I want to change, I'll be happy and fulfilled.

Another thing I decided to do is to be my own friend and to be kind to myself. It sounds so simple (and corny) and yet it's not that easy. I thought about how I love all my friends and how easy it is for me to love them and see all the great qualities they have. And if any of them are having a hard time I always want to love and support them and make them feel better. Then I was inspired... what if I did that for myself? I should be my own friend! So when I was feeling down on myself I thought, "what would I do if one of my friends was feeling bad about herself? I would write her a note with her good qualities." So yep, I wrote myself a little post it note and it's on my laptop screen. It lists some of my good qualities. Super corny and embarrassing. But it helped. It's also easy for me to believe the best in all of my friends because I love them. So I decided to believe the best in myself too. Anytime I'm having negative thoughts, I'll just start talking to myself as I would to a friend. Sounds crazy. And I've definitely been talking to myself a lot lately. But it's working. I'm feeling uplifted and confident. I have a lot more work to do. But now I'm aware and I'm trying. :)

More inspiring words that have been helping me along my way.