Do Not Fear

“Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come” (D&C 68:6)

Lately I've been having a lot of fear about the future and it seems that Satan has really been attacking my weaknesses. Last week I was doing totally fine I went to the temple and enjoyed doing a session for my great great grandmother. And then the very next day I was sobbing in my room because I kept having these thoughts come into my mind. Things like, "no one really loves you Mary" and "no one really cares about you". "And it's because you are worthless". I was like HOLD UP ONE MINUTE! I know that's not true! I've been spending the last couple of years learning how that is not the case and learning that I am worth loving. But the thoughts kept coming with a great force and I tried to stand up against each thought but eventually got the wind knocked out of me and was reduced to sobbing on my bed.

Eventually I realized that it was Satan putting these thoughts in my mind. And I knew that they were not true but they are still great fears of mine and Satan knows that. I eventually decided to not let it get me down and tried to think of a way to do something good for someone else. I decided to work on sketching out a new painting for my friend and being creative helped me to calm down and feel much better.

I don't know why I keep getting buffeted by Satan making me so scared but I can only hope it means something really good is about to happen. And I am going to keep trying to do all the little seemingly inconsequential things that will keep me on track. Things like going to FHE, institute, and the temple every week, listening to a conference talk every morning, reading my scriptures during my lunch break, and running and training for my 5k next month. I am trying to reach out more to others and have made several new friends already this month. I will keep pushing forward no matter how much Satan tries to discourage me.

I also think saying your fears out loud can help diminish them and maybe just help reduce their power over you. Some of my greatest fears are:

That I will not be a good mother or I will hurt my children in some way.
That I will not enjoy being a mother and I will resent my children.
That my ex-husband was justified in his treatment of me and that he did the right thing in leaving me.
That I won't be happy with my future husband and that he will hurt me or not love me enough.
That I am not lovable or worth loving.
That I can't change.
That I am a bad person.

Whew. That is some vulnerability right there folks. Those are all very real fears but the wonderful thing is that I know (well mostly know...) that they are all not true. And if I trust in the Lord, and I keep His commandments and keep acting instead of being acted upon, I will be successful through all my trials and I can be with Heavenly Father again someday. And I can have happiness and joy in this life as well, no matter what happens, by the small choices I consistently make every day.

If you have some fears either lurking in the back of your mind or filling up your whole being I encourage you to say them out loud or write them down. You will see that they are lies. Pray to Heavenly Father about your fears and He will help quiet them. Face the future with faith and not fear.

P.S. I prayed that I would feel loved and like I mattered to one person in particular and that prayer was answered the very next day and all weekend. I love answers to prayers even when they are maybe dumb things to pray for.

P.P.S. Thanks to all my friends who are mothers who helped quiet a new fear of mine. All of your words and reassurances and testimonies helped me so much!