February 4th you are not my favorite

I don't think I'll ever like February 4th. It's been a long time since February 4th, 2005 and I am okay; thriving in fact. And yet, I still don't like this day. It's just hard because I can't help but reflect on that day when I, an 18 year old girl, was so happy. So blissfully unaware, still so child-like and trusting. So excited for what lay ahead of me. So ready to share an eternity with someone. I really am happy and okay with everything that's happened in the past. I just think that part of me will always be a little bit sad about everything that happened. I've never lost a very close loved one to death, so I don't know exactly how that feels. Divorce is when a marriage dies and part of me died during those difficult years as well. But the parts of me that died were able to be reborn into something--someone: better and stronger, more compassionate and courageous.

Yesterday was kind of a hard day for me. I mean really, I thought I was done with crying uncontrollably at church. Ha. And then I was just playing a primary hymn at home and I started sobbing so hard. For no reason. It's not that I'm really sad, I think my body just always goes through this every February. And the winter weather this time of year doesn't help. Why couldn't the worst month of my life have been in the summer?

But I think angels are with me today. As I was walking to work I was feeling all weepy again but then I felt something inside of me that gave me courage, peace, and happiness. It made me smile and walk with a pep in my step. I prayed last night that I would be able to have a better than usual day today. I think Heavenly Father is aware of me and He is blessing me with peace and happiness today. And I really do think angels are with me. :)