Quest Fulfilled...well at least mostly filled!

I started this whole Quest for Beauty because I did not feel beautiful and I knew it was up to me to try and change how I felt about myself. Growing up, I never felt beautiful. Whenever someone would comment on how pretty I was I just felt really confused as to why they would even say that. I felt like it was kind of rude for them to lie to my face like that. As for the old women who would say how pretty I was... I just thought they were delusional old ladies who didn't know any better and well bless their hearts. When my ex-husband told me I was the prettiest girl he had ever dated, I thought he was just saying that to be nice. I had seen pictures of his most recent ex-girlfriend and she was skinnier than me; therefore she was prettier.

One thing I've learned on my quest for beauty is that everyone, no matter what they look like can be beautiful. No really and truly!!! Everyone. Because beauty lights you up from the inside and shines out of your eyes and through your smile and your shining aura. There are some people that on first meeting them I didn't think they were particularly beautiful to look at. But once I got to know them and their hearts I felt like they were so gorgeous and beautiful. There are the other people who are technically beautiful on the outside who just strive to make you feel as small as they can. They are not really beautiful.

Personally, on my quest I've been trying to be both. Beautiful on the outside and a beautiful shining light and spirit. And lately, I am pleased to report that I have been feeling beautiful. No, really and truly! When I look in the mirror, I don't lie to myself. I look into my eyes and truly think that I am beautiful. Yes, I would like to lose A LOT more weight but I know that alone wouldn't be enough to convince myself that I am beautiful. It's what comes from within that can help you to feel like you're beautiful on the outside too. It's so cliche but as I've said on this blog before... I've found that most cliches are true.

Maybe it's because I've been feeling beautiful and that's been apparent to those around me because I've had a few strangers comment on how pretty I am lately. Man it feels good for me to hear that. (Especially because now I'm starting to believe them!) Maybe I should start telling people more that I think they're lovely, even if it's a stranger on the metro. A girl I didn't know at church told me that I look just like a certain movie star and that she thought I was so pretty (trust me I don't look anything like that movie star but it was a nice compliment). My friend overheard the cashier at Whole Foods told his co-worker, "man that girl was really pretty" referring to me.

Anyway, I think the key to the quest for beauty has been to believe. Believe that you are beautiful and you will appear to be beautiful to everyone else too. (Well, not everyone haters gon' hate!)

How have I come to believe that I'm beautiful? I think for me, it's been a combination of things but most recently it's been from trying to do hard things and being successful. Not 100% successful all the time, but trying and persisting anyway. I feel beautiful because I've been doing what the Lord has asked of me, even though it feels impossible at times and it's really hard in the moment. Oh and I've been able to start loving myself too. Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles! None of this is every day all the time no matter what... yet. But I'll get there.

I've been praying and trying so hard to feel like I'm beautiful and to love myself and as I've done the things the Lord has prompted me to do (even things that I felt like had absolutely no connection), I've been able to feel beautiful and feel love for myself. Something I'm sure I couldn't have done alone. It's amazing how the Lord really does make up for those things you can't do alone, after all you've done and put in all the effort you can.