My Quest for Beauty

“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, 'There now, hang on, you'll get over it.' Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.” 
― Barbara Kingsolver, The Bean Trees

I had a good friend of mine tell me that she's not sure if she could ever marry the boy she's dating right now. Because he once had depression. He no longer has depression, he is a really wonderful guy. She was worried that it would make their marriage harder than it needed to be. I will be honest with you, it made me really sad. It never really occurred to me before that someone wouldn't want to marry me because I had depression in my past. That someone wouldn't want to marry me because I was divorced and overweight... yes that has occurred to me but severe depression isn't something I suffer from anymore.

It (depression) has taught me so much. I am proud to have been through hell on earth and made it out alive. Having depression has made me really feel and cherish the joys of everyday life. Life without depression is SO WONDERFUL and so amazing. I really like noticing the everyday beauties of life and I feel like it's made me a more grateful and happy person. Depression made me a BETTER PERSON. I can honestly say that suffering from clinical depression for years was way harder than being in an abusive marriage and having my husband leave me. The depression was much much more of a trial (although I know it was brought on by the previous two things).

Imagine the hardest thing that has ever happened to you. How did you feel? Were you sobbing? Did you feel confused or angry at why it was happening to you? Did you wonder if it was your fault that it happened? Were you full of fear and did you feel completely alone? Imagine feeling that way every day, all the time FOR YEARS. That's what depression was like for me. It is serious, it is real. You can't just pray your way out of it or make up your mind to be happy or change your "attitude". But then you come out of it and you are a different person. Depression is very much like the refiner's fire because it really feels that painful. You are put through fire and you emerge a different much better person who is closer to God. And I think it's a wonderful thing. I think those who have experienced this depression and lived through it and became a better person, are the people you should actually be looking for to marry. People who can make it through the hardest times, because marriage is going to be hard. Because life is hard. Choose someone who will choose to be happy in spite of it all.

It makes me sad to know that because people don't really understand depression, they sometimes judge unfairly. Not just depression either; divorce, addiction, abuse. I just want to educate people about it. Especially people in our church.