Last night I was talking to one of my very best friends. She’s struggling with depression right now. And I also found out someone else I know will probably be getting divorced. Having dealt with both of these difficult trials, I felt so deeply for both of them. I felt such sadness and empathy for them because I know how extremely hard and debilitating both of those trials are. My friend doesn’t deserve to feel such sadness and hopelessness. (Not that anyone ever deserves the pain of depression). But she in particular is such a kind and loving person, it’s hard to see her going through this. It’s also hard knowing I’m across the country from her and I can’t just drop by and ask her how’s she’s doing. And when she’s says “I’m fine”, I can’t look her in the eyes and say, “No you’re not”.
I know how depression works. You feel like you did something to deserve it. You feel as if you’re being punished by God. You feel like if only you had more faith, you studied your scriptures or served others more, then you would be blessed and it would go away. I learned the hard way; it simply doesn’t work that way. I still don’t know the full reasons of why such good people have to go through such hard things. And I felt like I just wanted to take away all of her suffering and even take it upon myself so she wouldn’t have to feel that way because I love her so much. But then I remember all the lessons that I learned and the strength and courage that I received, all the growth that came from those awful years of depression. I wouldn’t be the strong and capable woman I am today without all that struggle and pain.
That thought made me realize that’s probably how Heavenly Father feels about us. It hurts Him to see us struggle and feel so much despair and pain, but in the end He loves us enough to let us struggle through our trials because He knows that’s how we will grow enough to be able to return to Him. He probably wants to be able to take away all our pain, but He doesn’t because it’s more beneficial for us in the long run. And His love is so much greater than mine; it must hurt Him SO MUCH MORE. I’m not yet a parent, but I’m sure that’s how they feel as well when their children are suffering.
One thing I am grateful for, even though I can’t be physically there for my friend, I can pray for her and I can help her in a way that not everyone else can because I’ve experienced what she’s experiencing now. And I’ve made it to the other side. Just her knowing that I understand what she’s going through has (I hope) helped a little. This also made me think about the fact that Jesus Christ experienced the same pain and suffering that I have, and it makes me feel better knowing that He understands and because of that He has helped me in a way no one else could. One thing that has always made me feel better in any trial I’ve had is talking to people who understand what I’m going through because they have experienced it as well. Just the very thought that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing, makes you feel so much better.
Even though I don’t understand why my beautiful and amazing friend still needs to suffer through this depression and I don’t know exactly what lessons she will learn from the experience, I know that the Lord knows. He wouldn’t allow her to suffer needlessly. And I know that she will also reach the other side of this trial someday, and she too will be grateful for what she went through. (Yes, even though it is hell). And she will also be able to help others who are going through the same things, because she will understand on a personal level and she will be able to help them in a way others cannot.
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