"I am a Woman of Great Power and Beauty"

Today made for a very interesting day. This morning (for no real apparent reason) I decided that I would repeat a mantra for the day. That mantra being, "I am a woman of great power and beauty". Like I said, I have no idea why I decided to do that. I guess it just gave me something to do on my morning commute while I listened to my ipod. So I kept repeating it over and over as I got off the metro and walked across Key Bridge into Georgetown. I had a meeting at work and as I was sitting there (admittedly not really paying attention), I had a thought come into my mind. That thought was, "it (it being the eternal scheme of things) doesn't matter what I look like". And then I felt the Spirit very strongly rushing through me confirming the thought that I just had. I was surprised and kind of amazed because first of all I was in a work meeting and second of all, it's not something I've been worrying about or praying about at all lately. And it's also such a simple fact and thought. It doesn't matter what I look like. Well, duh. Right? But I was grateful to feel the Spirit anyway and I logged the experience away in my mind thinking, "well that was nice".

Fast forward to later on in the afternoon.... My boss came into my office and told me he was going to rearrange it all because I'm such a big person... Uh.. yeah. This is the second time (in two weeks) that he's called attention to me being "big" aka fat. The first time I just let it slide because it was my first day at work and because he didn't say it in a malicious way. But this was the second time. And for whatever reason it bothered me this time. My cheeks were flaming red for a good half hour with the embarrassment and indignity of it all. I told him the office was fine the way it is. Honestly it's just a small office. Big deal. I was pretty offended and complained about it on facebook. And reading other people getting mad for me made me feel even more like, "yeah wow what a jerk, that was totally inappropriate". But then I kind of calmed down and realized, yeah... it doesn't even matter!

I remembered the feeling I had earlier today. And even though some people base all of their self-worth off of their looks, I can't afford to do that. Because I know that I am a wonderful person. I just happen to have issues with food and being healthy. That's my weakness in life (one of them...) I am trying to be better and that's all I can do for the time being. My friend Hannah brought up the point that you define who you are- not other people. So I just have to keeping doing that for myself (with the Lord's help) and trying not to let other people define me anymore. I used to do that. It's REALLY depressing. Because even if I was super thin and model gorgeous, I still wouldn't measure up to EVERYONE. I just need to focus on the good qualities about myself that I already have and stop wishing for what others have.