I always feel somehow before I write a new blog post that something in me is shifting and changing. And I try to understand the things that I'm feeling and understand the new thoughts in my head. And when I finally think I understand this new part of me that I've discovered, I try to share it through writing on my blog.
Some things I've been thinking about lately are the different trials that everyone goes through. And why? Well obviously there are many different reasons as to why people go through trials but I was thinking about why that specific trial for that specific person? What if my big trial in life (so far) wasn't divorce and depression? What if I lost my parents? What if I was raped or sexually abused as a child? What if I got really really sick? What if I had same-gender attraction? These are all trials that I've had close friends go through. And in many cases they think my trial was harder and I think theirs would have been more difficult to go through.
The reason for that is probably because when you go through a really hard trial and you actually make it through, you know that you can do it simply because you've already done it.
But if someone told me when I was 18 what was going to happen to me I know that I would have thought there was no way I could go through that. But the point is I did. And when you have a hardship facing you in life your only choice is to make it through. You never know how courageous and strong you can be until you have no other choice. However, one choice you do have in regards to trials is how you will react. And the only way that I made it through was by turning towards God rather than away from Him.
But I am still trying to digest why we each have our own different trials. The Lord knows what we can handle and what is best for us but it makes me wonder more about who we all were before this life. Were there some innate qualities inside my spirit that qualified me to go through my trials? I'm starting to learn that there really are some qualities that I have that make me unique.
Sometimes when we think of talents we completely overlook some really amazing talents in favor of lauding those who have the obvious talents of music, dancing, singing, performing. But I'm learning that even if I don't have really obvious talents, I still have really awesome and admiral qualities that others might wish they had. I will forgo listing these talents.... okay okay I'll list them! Just don't think I'm being full of myself or vain. It took me a while to figure out these talents and to believe others when they kept telling me I had them.
I am funny (I really never believed anyone who told me that until my friend Heather told me I was funny because I think she is one of the funniest people ever!). I am sincere. I am kind and considerate. I notice little things about people and I'm observant of others needs and feelings. I am a good friend. I am sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit. I am compassionate and empathetic and can relate very well to others. And I am happy and fun to be around. (This last quality is one that I am proud of because I'm so relieved to not be depressed anymore!!!) But apparently I am not very humble...?
I think I developed most of these qualities because of the trials I went through but I wonder if they were just there to begin with when I was just an intelligence and a spirit? We all have the ability to someday become like God but surely our spirits were all different and unique? I guess it comes down to the fact that God gives us/gave us different talents and we can develop every talent eventually in the eternities. And hopefully quite a few in this lifetime as well.
My heart aches for some of the trials that others have to go through. And I can't imagine ever going through them. And I wonder why God allows that kind of suffering. But I always remember that God is the reason why I made it through my trial because He helped me through. And because we have the atonement, everything will be justified and made right in the end. And I trust in the Lord enough to know that He knows the reason for people's trials even if I can't comprehend them.
So I don't know if talents and trials are at all connected but it's something I've been thinking about lately.
4 comments:
I've thought about this quite a lot as well. The tentative answer I've come up with is that there's no one reason why God gives us or allows us to experience trials. Sometimes we bring them on ourselves through our own bad choices; sometimes I think God sends them to help us develop something - a talent, a skill, a perspective, a virtue - that will ultimately bless us or others. I think I've experienced all of those at one time or another, but at the same time I think that even though at one point we might see a particular trial in one light, doesn't mean that God doesn't see it in many more, and over the course of our lives I think sometimes those other lights get revealed to us. I wish I knew why we get the particular trials that we do, though. I think to really understand that you need the Big Picture, which obviously we can't see right now. I hope that someday I'll finally get to see it and have everything explained to me.
I'm glad that our trials are individualized to us....just like our plan. I think it shows we have a divine plan and a Heavenly Father who cares. Although at times I wouldn't mind life being simple, I have to realize if I traded someone with a "simpler" life it may actually be much harder for me.
excellent thoughts Mary. your trials develop talents and your talents allow you to deal with trials I believe. Very good ideas though. You rock!
I am so much more humble than you. ;)
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