Chills of Happiness

It's getting closer and closer to the end of January already! But as I reflected on what my year was like in 2012, I came to some important realizations. For one thing, it was one of the best years I've had in a LONG time. As I was pondering why that would be I realized it was because of some of the following things:

1.) Friends (and family).
2.) The temple (and prayer).
3.) Being grateful.
4.) Trying and accomplishing very hard things. (And not always being successful the first time, the most important thing is to try and keep trying!)
5.) Loving myself.
6.) Acting and not being acted upon.

I made so many wonderful friends this year, quite a few of whom I hope to be lifelong friends with. At the beginning of the year in 2012 I received a priesthood blessing when I was sick that said that I would be "welcomed wherever I went" and that I would be able to form some lifelong friendships in my new ward. That was such a comfort to me since I didn't know anyone in my new ward! (Except for my friend Mark, he was the one who gave me the blessing). I had such amazing friends at BYU, I honestly couldn't fathom making too many new friends that were what I considered to be eternal friends. But I have and I get the feeling I will continue to have wonderful friendships no matter where I am in the world.

This year I decided to start attending the temple once a week. I wanted to because I felt like I didn't love going to the temple and I decided to start going until I did. It has really been a game changer in my life! Wow! More people should go!!!! But it's one of those things that you have to be very purposeful about because it is more than easy to not go. There is ALWAYS something that comes up or some excuse that you could make not to go. But the hard things in life are SIGNIFICANTLY easier to bear when you go. It's like you are given added strength and peace. I picture myself leaving the temple with extra "super powers". :)

This year I also noticed that I was just plain grateful. It didn't start out as a conscious decision to try to be more grateful, it's just something that I kept noticing again and again. I was just SO GRATEFUL for my plain  ordinary day to day life. And as I prayed to God in gratitude, I almost felt like he gave me the added gift of feeling even more grateful. What an awesome cycle! I truly am grateful for my life because I am healthy, I do not have depression, I love myself, and I have wonderful friends who love me. I am a hyper-aware person and on a lot of days I will just get chills of happiness. That's how I would describe it. Just when I'm sitting there at work and thinking "I'm grateful for my life right in this very moment" and then it will happen, I will get a chill of happiness that runs through my whole body. I am so grateful for the very hard and dark years that I went through so I can now appreciate the regular and ordinary everyday.

Doing things that I've never done before is pretty intimidating and riddles me with anxiety. The unknown can cause me to be short of breath from panicking. But when I feel a prompting of something I should do (even if I have to have that prompting two or three times...) I will always follow through...eventually. I have to work up to it but I will do it. I felt prompted to be healthier (actually I was told very plainly in a blessing) and to start running. It terrified me. But I am now a fledgling runner who will run my first 5k this year. Running was/is hard but it has taught me so so much; many things that have nothing to do with health.

So by far the biggest and most wonderful thing that happened this year was that I finally starting loving myself. Really and truly loving myself. I mean, that's a really big deal in case you were wondering. :) And it was only possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I honestly could not have done it alone. I had no idea how to even make it happen except to pour my heart out in earnest prayer over and over. It became something that I completely desired and was willing to do whatever I had to do to obtain that desire. And when it finally happened, I almost couldn't believe that it really happened the way that it did. But.. it did. And it is an experience I will never forget. It happened in the temple and was so special and sacred. I will always cherish that memory and feeling.

The last fun change for this past year was that instead of waiting for the "some day I'll", I started just doing things. Living my life, doing things that made me a little anxious. Putting myself out there more. Going on a lot more adventures. In the past my anxiety made it really hard to do anything except stay home where it was safe and comfortable. I wrote out a list of all the fun places I've visited in 2012 and the list was three pages long! I made a new list for 2013 and I am planning on checking off a lot of great new experiences. When I went home for Christmas, my old Young Women's adviser and mentor mentioned that (from what she could see on Facebook) that it really looked like I was living my life and having fun and just being happy. I was astounded that she could see all that from Facebook but I was grateful she validated the way I already felt. I'm glad that others can see my progress and change too and that I seem happier and more full of life.

So here's to 2013. I have a feeling it's going to be even better than last year!!!!

P.S. Sometime soon I'm going to do a post of a bunch of pictures from my travels and adventures and a whole lotta me (cuz I'm awesome!!!).